Effective Negotiation for the Long-Term Win
The word “negotiation” can conjure up feelings of stress, unease, winning and losing, and more. Your mind may immediately gravitate to more formal types of negotiation like selling a business, buying a house, or negotiating a promotion. Most of us engage in less formal kinds of negotiations daily: where to go on a vacation, how to spend discretionary income, or to convince your team to select your idea. If we think of negotiating as merely laying out our desired plan, followed by a give-and-take discussion, we can begin to ratchet down our negotiation anxiety.
Whether formal or informal negotiations, three actions have helped me become a better negotiator.
1. Select the Type of Negotiation You Want to Enter Into
Does your negotiation scenario dictate a Win/Win or Win/Lose situation? Could you live with a No Deal ending? While most of us want to focus on getting the best deal from our perspective, how you view the goals of the other party is part of an effective negotiation. You may be less concerned about the person or organization on the “lose” side of the deal when negotiating car or home prices. But it’s vital to structure a win/win scenario when negotiating with someone you care about or may negotiate with again. Create an atmosphere of being tough but fair so the other party will consider future negotiations with you. Even if you will not be negotiating again with the same organization, word gets around quickly, solidifying your reputation as a reasonable or unreasonable negotiator.
2. Crystalize Your “Walk-Away” Criteria
Before entering the actual negotiation or bargaining phase, make a clear list of what you “must have,” what you’d “like to have” and “giveaways” that you think may benefit the other party.
When preparing to negotiate design and construction contracts, I reviewed the contract page by page and labeled each term with an A (vital), B (preferred) or C-level (nice but not necessary). Then I discussed our walk-away fees and terms with my partners. Your walk-away criteria needs to be just that: terms and/or a price at which you definitely do not want to continue the negotiation. Decide on walk-away criteria during the calm moments before a negotiation. If bargaining reaches your walk-away level, the other party will realize you aren’t bluffing. They will decide whether to accept your terms or not. Over the decades of negotiating, I’ve only gotten up from a negotiating table due to a walk away term four times. On three occasions, the other party conceded, and we got our terms. The fourth time, the negotiation concluded with a No Deal, to which we had no regrets.
3. Probe Why a Sticking Point Matters to the Other Party
Often your negotiation will reach a sticking point or stalemate. Rather than your only thought being “oh no, this is an important term for me,” quickly move to one of my favorite negotiating phrases: “May I ask why you care about (fill in the blank)?” In asking this probing question, the other party will typically outline a situation that did not go well for them in the past. This allows you to consider other, more palatable solutions to their problem and, frequently, move past the sticking point.
If negotiating still intimidates you a little, begin with small negotiations and grow your skills. My worst negotiation ever was my first; it lasted eight hours, and I think I cried on the drive home. But I lived to talk about it, and I learned valuable lessons that have stayed with me to this day.
